i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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