actually, I'm a sock model
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize
