If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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