I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize