i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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