i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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