Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
