we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
