haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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