I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
