you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
