I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
handjob tips. give me some.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
