he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
