Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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