pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
