I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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