thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize