sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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