What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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