I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
two words: eviction party
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
