so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
