the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Randomize
