the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize