Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
you never un-have a 4some
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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