Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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