I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
