I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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