your thong is hanging out like whoa
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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