But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
