If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
well, you know. whores of a feather.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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