it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
