evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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