And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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