he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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