He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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