please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
