I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
