Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
All I want is dick and wine.
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