I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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