Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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