just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
