I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
