My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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