It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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