Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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