I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
