Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
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