My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
