FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
