How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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