And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
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