I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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