Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
