How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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