8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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