Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
