you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
