remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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