K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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