ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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