And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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