i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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