I'm laying in your front yard are you home
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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