Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
