i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
