community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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