He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
they're like a gay fantastic four
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
