On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
