i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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