I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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