I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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